She Was There

In 2008, when I moved into the first basement suite that was all my own,

In 2009, when Luke and I had our first date,

In 2010, when we came home engaged,

In 2011, when we moved to our townhouse and I started my degree,

In 2012, when we came home as husband and wife,

In 2013, when we bought our house in Chestermere,

In 2014, when we brought baby Thea home from the hospital,

In 2015, when our basement flooded,

In 2016, when Thea learned to walk,

In 2017, when we brought baby Finn home too,

In 2018, when Luke started working from home full-time,

In 2019, when Charlie the dog came to stay for a few weeks (in this instance, she was there somewhat begrudgingly),

In 2020, when the world shut down and we stayed home together for so many months,

In 2021, when we started (and stopped and started and stopped again) practicing yoga in the living room,

In 2022, when I finally finished that degree,

In 2023, when daycare ended and summer routines were bravely attempted,

And in 2024, when life has so often felt like too much, but purring somehow always helped a little.  

For over 15 years, she was there. Good and bad, she was there for all of it. But now she’s not. And that hurts. It won’t always hurt this much, but right now it just fucking does.

That’s it, that’s all I’ve got in me tonight. There’s nothing hopeful or inspiring to end with because it’s still too fresh, but I needed to write it anyway. If you made it this far, thank you for your time.

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